my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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