Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
