theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
