i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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