fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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