so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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