Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
