i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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