Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
