I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was born a porn star she said
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
