I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
