Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
