i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
