The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish you could order shots online.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
