so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
