I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
