Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
