I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
