Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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