Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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