it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
