I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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