he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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