You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
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We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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