The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
