20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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