you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
