GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
