Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Found the puke drawer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
