I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
