mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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