Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
