i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
