I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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