It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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