i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
