I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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