i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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