Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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