i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
