we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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