i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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