i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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