dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
