I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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