Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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