how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
