I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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