It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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