I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
