I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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