Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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