I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
