Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
