There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
