Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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