Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize