Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
tequila makes me forget i have legs
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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