I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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