Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
