I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
