actually, I'm a sock model
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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