I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
