I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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