he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
