my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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