I seem to have left my pride at pride
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
