grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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