my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
