I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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