I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
