Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I currently don't understand fingers.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
