i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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