so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
