I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There r osticjed everywhere
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize