remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
