I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
