I must be too annoying 4 u.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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