Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
