found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
