if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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