Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
