i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I didn't notice because vodka
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
