You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
