I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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