Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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