how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
